Will I actually keep up with this?

Is it really so exhausting?

2008-11-14T21:08:21Z

So, I started a new job last week...in a call center, which I said I would never do again. It's not a scary place like I've heard from others about how tech support call centers can be. It's pretty cool...the people are nice, there's no one breathing down your neck about meeting some ridiculously stringent metric set. The start pay is insanely high in comparison to other call center jobs that I had heard of (in Austin, at least). At the close of this week, my first full week, I find that I am in fact exhausted. Why does this happen? I look past at the last one...another not so bad environment, but after my six months there, I was sick, tired, depressed. I slept nearly every day I came home from work, and neglected myself, gaining at least 20 pounds. I look back yet further and remember going through a nearly two year phase in high school in which I would sleep after school, wake to eat and do my homework, and sleep for the night. So, back to the here and now...I'm falling into that same pattern! What the hell is this? Is the prospect of having to be around numerous people all day long that tiring? I can't imagine what the basis of this is...I don't fear them, I don't fear the job. I have to think that my desire to be left in solitude is in constant struggle with the fact that I now have so many strangers, in person and on the phone, to deal with and mental struggles have no clear finish line as do physical challenges. This is something that I don't think will ever change...it's who I am...but I think I will have to be extra vigilent to not neglect myself again, maybe I really should look into using the intrawebs to let it all out...another part of myself: I don't do so well talking about feelings and really personal stuff. Ah fuck, I'm off to get a massage and get rid of at least one of the physical symptoms of this.

yes, it's true

2008-08-01T03:14:36Z

i just saw a press screening of sisterhood of the travelling pants 2 and loved it...more than the first one...so there

Nary a dull moment

2008-07-23T23:50:44Z

I made the statement to several people that I really, really didn't want to be the girl who only knows her boyfriend's friends. I have my circle of a few people that I will consider a "friend". Well, moving to a new city and dating someone in that city who happens to be very social has made that almost impossible - which isn't necessarily a bad thing. These people are pretty cool and I've even gone out with one of them without him. Unless I get another second job (the first one didn't work out so well) I won't likely meet many people on my own for the following reasons:

1. I work with my boyfriend
2. I know noone else out here
3. I could be called anti-social or a homebody by some...I just prefer the truth of socially awkward

Now for the reasons I may rethink my previous position:

1. All of his friends (which are couples for the most part) are cool as shit
2. I've gone to 3 movies in the last week, seeing another on Sunday (half of these are free screenings, but nonetheless)
3. I've gone to lunch/dinner more in the last week than I used to in Austin

I think that this group of people works hard but doesn't let it get in the way of enjoying life...something I've really needed to get in the habit of doing for a long time.

Finally

2008-07-13T00:10:34Z

A day without boredom!!! I started my new weekend job today and while some people would think that what I do in Job2 is very boring and wouldn't like to do it for 20 hours on their weekends, it's actually almost identical to what I do in my full time job except one's in the legal services industry and the other is in the healthcare services industry. They are even already asking me to work extra hours...which I might actually do because this stuff is eeeee-zzzzzz and it's extra cash. I loves me some extra cash, even though it's all going to savings/debt :D

1st full week in Dallas

2008-07-12T02:15:07Z

Today marks my first full week in Dallas. I really, really wish that I had only taken a couple of days vacation and gone straight to work this week because I've been soooo homesick. There's really not a whole lot to distract you from being completely alone when you're in a city you only know one person in and don't have a whole lot of cash available to do the tourist-y stuff yet. My boyfriend is great and all, but he's not really prepared to play tourguide...

My cats adjusted surprisingly well to the new place and really seem to like Fred, so that's a good thing, I was very afraid that my youngest cat would show her displeasure by going to the bathroom on the only "carpeted" places here which are my couches and armchairs so I left plastic on for the first couple of days...but she's done very, very well.

I think that there will be good things to come from moving here once I get acclimated to my surroundings and become distracted with work. In addition to my full time job, I picked up a job on the weekends too, so I'll be doing a 7-day work week at about 60 hours to help combat that. I also think that I might try a couple of classes this fall too...who knows.

On a side note to

texasoddity I just need to be reminded to keep up with this ;)

OH YEAH!!! There's no freaking HEB
/tantrum

crap...i hate my body again

2008-06-20T02:20:02Z

i don't think i've ever been at a point in my life where my mood changes between loving and hating what i look like as frequently as i wake up and go to sleep...it is torture. i KNOW that i've changed, even though i don't always see it in the mirror, i can feel it in my clothes and i see it on that stupid, devilish contraption known as the scale. i went from loving the fact that my work slacks i haven't been able to wear in a little over 2 years swished across my legs when i walk (i.e. not too tight - they fit like real slacks are supposed to) to hating the fact that certain spots of my body have skin that hasn't quite caught up to the weight loss. ~sigh~ i'm sure i'll be happy with myself as early as tomorrow, but the mood swings are irritating as hell...oh well, at least i don't take it out on the other people i interract with daily.

what i want...where i want

2008-06-11T17:53:25Z

I've been planning a move to Dallas since late January/early February...I have the transfer between offices locked up, I had an apartment secured two weeks ago. Last week I was offered my old boss's job...which I thought about over the weekend and declined because I knew I would be stuck with resentful workers and putting the nail in my coffin as far as free time to do the things that are important to me. Today, my boss called me into his office to offer the position again and let me know that he had authorization to hire back my old team that had been laid off. I really wish they hadn't waited until I had 3 more weeks in this office to ask me to stay and give me what I want. I am SO confused, so very confused. On one hand I get to stay in my city and do the "more" I've been wanting to do...but I feel like it might just be a smoke and mirrors offer...things won't really change, or if they do, it'll end up being worse. I won't be able to go back to school...I won't be able to keep my newly adopted attitude of not thinking it's the end of the world if things don't get done...and I'd end up being a babysitter again for people who don't want to work.

Starting to love my body again

2008-06-09T22:05:57Z

Don't get me wrong...I'm still kinda "big" in comparison to a. others I know/see and b. the way I was a few short years ago - but today I realize I'm loving my body again. This "get up and go" attitude I've taken with my fitness (slacking a tiny bit with the eating habits) has been in high gear since January. Although I've been a bit frustrated now and again with "huge" losses followed by weeks of non-loss, as of today, my six-monthish mark, I have lost 30 pounds. I can fit into clothing I haven't worn in two or three years, and I am developing a pretty decent silhouette. I don't expect perfection anytime soon, despite my best efforts I will still have to struggle with genetics...or rather, namely, the J-Lo like derrier I have when I am "thin" or "in shape", but at least I know I'll have done it right, done it the healthy way, and done it for the long run.

Bruising

2008-06-07T03:48:02Z

I added heavier weights to my work outs and I now have bruising in the back of my arm like someone beat me...I wonder if it's normal...

hooooray meeeeee

2008-06-04T13:43:02Z

I checked my bank account last night and they took out my check for the deposit --- that makes it official! ~happy dance~

It might just be a placebo effect...

2008-06-01T21:47:03Z

...but I hope it lasts.

During a trip to Whole Foods last night to get cat food, I decided to mosey on over to the supplements area of the store to see what they had in the way of management of anxiety, stress, mood, etc. I guess I just didn't feel like waiting to go to the doctor on Monday. That and I had been having a headache three days straight and around 4 hours of sleep for each night since my one day round trip to Dallas. I came across something called Stress Support Multi distributed by a company called New Chapter Organics after looking around in two different aisles for 30 or so minutes. I finally took one after I got home from work around 11 (yes I know, shsssh) and lay down, today, I have felt oddly calm. The box says a serving size is three tablets, I've decided to take one in the morning, one mid-day, and one at night. So, I'm still going to go to the doctor but I'm going to sit on whatever she prescribes me for a week or so to see if this stuff is really doing anything for me.

so out of it...

2008-05-28T12:15:38Z

It is amazing what your mind can trick you into when you're stressed. My normal morning routine consists of 5 alarms that go off from 5am - 6am and after that last alarm I usually have to talk myself into getting up and ready to be close to on-time. This morning I saw that it was 10 past the hour and that I NEEDED to be at work on time because I had to leave early (more on that in a bit). So I scrambled around, showered, pet my cat, got dressed, pet my cat some more, found my shoes and keys, pet the cat again, and left when I realized it was 45 past the hour. I resigned myself to the fact that I would be about 10 minutes late yet again and drove away. On the way down Parmer I was looking around at how little traffic there was and silently thanking whatever is out there to thank --- it finally struck me when I merged onto the highway that the reason there was surprisingly little traffic was because it was in fact about to be 6am, not 7am. Silly me!!!!

I guess because it was stuck in my mind that my day HAD to start early I just didn't realize the clock said 5:## and not 6:##. Which brings me to the why -- my apartment fell through AGAIN and I'm going to see a place that is showing today at 6, so I get to leave at 2 from work, get to Dallas by 5:30 hopefully, see the place, eat dinner with Derf, and then hopefully get home by 11.

rocky horror picture show

2008-05-22T03:44:23Z

i hope with all my heart that there is a RHPS group when i move...the one in austin provided random fun when you didn't know what to do at midnight...granted i haven't been to one in AGES...but it was always nice to know that it was there.

Is it Wednesday already?

2008-05-22T02:30:55Z

Apartment hunting in a completely unfamiliar city is very painful. I'm making myself paranoid after reading soooo many negative reviews on the internet about nearly every place that is in my price range (stupid student loans and car). Why don't I just stay in Austin? Oh, that's right...my chosen career is awesome but the current office is bass-ackwards and I have to move to Dallas to get things moving for myself. In theory I could ditch my company altogether and start over with another in Austin - but some silly boy from Dallas seems like he might have something to say about it. The sweet thing though is he said he'd wait for as long as it takes if I'm too scared to move right now. Awwww....

I can't wait until this part of my life is settled and I can move onto being preoccupied with other things.

update on apartment search

2008-05-21T00:04:02Z

well, the one i was soooo excited about just seems to have fallen through. i got a phone call and was told that because i had two cats the carpet would only be steam cleaned and sanitized. well, ok, some places don't replace carpet with every tenant...however, this guy had been there 8 years and smoked inside the place. so i told the guy that the carpet had already been ripped up when i went to see the layout and he said ok, i'll get back to you...no word in over 24 hours...i guess that one's off the list.

complaint #2: apartment locators...i have now been in "contact" with two apartment locators...that just email lists and leave it up to me to go find the places in this totally unfamiliar "metroplex" --- is this how they earn their money?????? the locators here in austin always drive you around to the places...these people are on crack.

and so begins the world of blogging...

2008-03-03T17:52:25Z

I just got back from a weekend in Dallas which is going to be my new home in six weeks. I think I found the place I will live in and hope to be approved for it. I'm not sure about the square footage on it because it was shown to me by a fellow tenant and not the manager and it's not one of those big-box places (I'm guestimating around 600 sq ft). But it does have enough room for me, two kitties and derf to visit. It was built in the 1960s, is 20 units, walking distance of the newest Whole Foods
being built. The place has the original PINK gas stove, I would have a retired U.S. Marshal as a neighbor, and it's $675 all bills paid. There's even a tenant who's lived there since the place was built...not too bad of a recommendation for the place.